I am Not a Ping Pong Ball
For those of you who also read Stoli's blog you might know a little about last night Dirty Talker, New Guy, Bible Humper (story of the name to follow) guy love triangle.
But I will clue you into this interesting saga.
So a few weeks ago Stoli and I ventured out to our normal wateringhole for Friday night drinks and we were on the prowl. After flirting our way through the bar we perched ourselves on our normal bar stools and were no sooner approached by two good looking guys, Dirty Talker and Bible Humper who were more interested in whether on not we were wearing panties or not than what our names were at first.
Now here is where things start to get interesting. I start the evening talking to Dirty Talker, Stoli starts talking to Bible Humper. I start making out a little with Dirty Talker, but get bored quickly and Stoli got bored with Bible Humper, so we made the swap.
4 or 5 Dirty Martini's later we were on our way back to Bible Humpers place for after hours, paired up accordingly. Woke up in the morning in Bible Humper's room, took a look around only to see myself surrounded by Jesus Loves Me posters, Crosses, Bibles, an other Christian love paraphernalia. Now mind you, I am a nice little Jewish Girl and quickly felt the need to get the hell out of there and he quickly felt the need to fuck again. Go figure. So he is a total Bible HUMPER (cause boy did that man like to HUMP)
I've run into Bible Humper a few times at the wateringhole, seeing as we are both regulars, and we've exchanged pleasantries and the notion of another night of no-strings attached sex.
Brings us up to last night. Dirty Talker invited Stoli and myself to a gathering at Chi. Bible Humper was supposed to attend, and occasionally would glance at the door with the hopes that I might get laid last night. Playing good host, Dirty Talker introduced us to these guys who run at a pretty cool restaurant that we are definitely putting on the list to go to. So we were hanging out with New Guy and Clingy Guy. Clingy Guy gave me a rose like 2 min after he met me and was all trying to hold my hand. I mean what are we- in 5th grade? Whatever. After the bar closed we ventured to an after hours at another bar that was kept open specially for our party. While we were there I was still hoping that Bible Humper would show. But Clingy Guy was trying to give me massages and play with my hair. YIKES! At some point Dirty Talker approached me and asked if I wanted to go talk up in the VIP section and check it out. Naive am I? We go up sit on the couch, I ask him about work, life, what a great party- and he leans in to kiss me!!
STOP THE PRESSES! I was like HOLD ON THERE BUDDY! Didn't you schtoop my girlfriend a few weeks ago? And have I NOT been asking about your buddy all night? AND isn't there a guy downstairs that is all up in my shit?
So I excuse myself and go back to tell Stoli what has just transpired. At which point Dirty Talker wants to talk to me again and tries to pull my ass into a dirty bathroom- which I refused, and we ended up in the kitchen- where he again tried to kiss me.
He got as far as my hand when I walked away and hitched a ride from New Guy and Clingy Guy and ended my night knowing at least I will get at least one free meal out of it. I hope to see Bible Humper next weekend.
But I will clue you into this interesting saga.
So a few weeks ago Stoli and I ventured out to our normal wateringhole for Friday night drinks and we were on the prowl. After flirting our way through the bar we perched ourselves on our normal bar stools and were no sooner approached by two good looking guys, Dirty Talker and Bible Humper who were more interested in whether on not we were wearing panties or not than what our names were at first.
Now here is where things start to get interesting. I start the evening talking to Dirty Talker, Stoli starts talking to Bible Humper. I start making out a little with Dirty Talker, but get bored quickly and Stoli got bored with Bible Humper, so we made the swap.
4 or 5 Dirty Martini's later we were on our way back to Bible Humpers place for after hours, paired up accordingly. Woke up in the morning in Bible Humper's room, took a look around only to see myself surrounded by Jesus Loves Me posters, Crosses, Bibles, an other Christian love paraphernalia. Now mind you, I am a nice little Jewish Girl and quickly felt the need to get the hell out of there and he quickly felt the need to fuck again. Go figure. So he is a total Bible HUMPER (cause boy did that man like to HUMP)
I've run into Bible Humper a few times at the wateringhole, seeing as we are both regulars, and we've exchanged pleasantries and the notion of another night of no-strings attached sex.
Brings us up to last night. Dirty Talker invited Stoli and myself to a gathering at Chi. Bible Humper was supposed to attend, and occasionally would glance at the door with the hopes that I might get laid last night. Playing good host, Dirty Talker introduced us to these guys who run at a pretty cool restaurant that we are definitely putting on the list to go to. So we were hanging out with New Guy and Clingy Guy. Clingy Guy gave me a rose like 2 min after he met me and was all trying to hold my hand. I mean what are we- in 5th grade? Whatever. After the bar closed we ventured to an after hours at another bar that was kept open specially for our party. While we were there I was still hoping that Bible Humper would show. But Clingy Guy was trying to give me massages and play with my hair. YIKES! At some point Dirty Talker approached me and asked if I wanted to go talk up in the VIP section and check it out. Naive am I? We go up sit on the couch, I ask him about work, life, what a great party- and he leans in to kiss me!!
STOP THE PRESSES! I was like HOLD ON THERE BUDDY! Didn't you schtoop my girlfriend a few weeks ago? And have I NOT been asking about your buddy all night? AND isn't there a guy downstairs that is all up in my shit?
So I excuse myself and go back to tell Stoli what has just transpired. At which point Dirty Talker wants to talk to me again and tries to pull my ass into a dirty bathroom- which I refused, and we ended up in the kitchen- where he again tried to kiss me.
He got as far as my hand when I walked away and hitched a ride from New Guy and Clingy Guy and ended my night knowing at least I will get at least one free meal out of it. I hope to see Bible Humper next weekend.
posted by PinkQuacker @ 2:12 PM
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